I was going to write a blog all about friendship and C.S. Lewis’ book, “The Four Loves.” After looking over the material, I quickly became overwhelmed by the vastness of it all. It would have been easy if three fifths of the stuff had been ignorable nonsense, but that’s just it: it’s all so good. So, I’ve decided not to try and cover the weighty topic of friendship at 12:00 AM. Rather, here are a couple of quotes and my thoughts.
“When either Friendship or Eros is one’s theme, one finds a prepared audience…but very few modern people think Friendship a love of comparable value, or even a love at all.”
“In each of my friends there is something that only some other friend can bring out. By myself, I am not large enough to call the whole man into activity; I want other lights than my own to show all his facets.”
“The typical expression of opening Friendship would be something like, ‘What? You too? I thought I was the only one.”
“It is when two such persons discover one another, when, whether with immense difficulties and semi-articulate fumblings or with what would seem to us amazing and elliptical speed, they share their visions-it is then that friendship is born.”
“The very condition of having Friends is that we should want something else besides Friends.”
“Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art, like the universe itself (for God did not need to create). It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things which give value to survival.”
“…we picture lovers face to face, but Friends side by side; their eyes look ahead.”
“You will not find the warrior, the poet, the philosopher or the Christian by staring in his eyes as if he were your mistress: better fight beside him, read with him, argue with him, pray with him.”
Those are some of my favorite quotes as well as my favorite ideas about friendship. I can’t re-write everything Lewis said but as it’s worth a read, or two, my recommendation: pick up the book. Also, while most of the quotes I posted were positive views of friendship, Lewis honestly points out the flaws in friendship as well. Envy, “clicks” and the like all act to make friendship an imperfect love. I focused more heavily on the positives of friendship because I, like Lewis, am beginning to realize how debunked friendship is.
The real inspiration behind this post actually came from the movie, “Arranged,” about two friends, a Jewish girl and a Muslim girl, who relate over their upcoming arranged marriages. While watching it, I couldn’t help but notice the similarities between Nasira and one of my close friends: bold, lovable, goofy, honest and so eager to see her friend happy. Interestingly enough, the other character, Rochel (which is Rachel…weird), reminded my friend of me. I’ll leave that description up to someone else.
I like the last image from the movie (above), of the two friends sitting on the bench together, discussing life. It’s so simple and so unasked for. It reflects Lewis’ idea of being shoulder to shoulder, instead of eye to eye. It’s not all about knowing each other but rather, experiencing life and, through that, beginning to know one other along the way.
